Category Archives: Business Coaching

Sexual Integrity in porn use.

There is a big debate about is sex and porn addiction. I recently was lucky enough to be a witness to two intelligent, passionate men discuss the common ground in the middle of the debate. The two men I speak of are Dr. David Ley and Dr. Robert Weiss. Today, I read an article that I resonated with in a different context. For me it was a very eloquent definition of sexual integrity. It was written by Dr. Ley. It sparked an interest so I googled Sexual Integrity and guess who’s article came up, Dr. Weiss’s. Was it fate? Or just google feeding me relevant information by relevant individuals? It didn’t matter cause I was off to the races defining sexual integrity for myself. It’s not like this is a new topic for me. I think integrity is a life long endeavor and we are all sexual beings our whole lives.

Dr Weiss wrote this about Sexual Integrity:  “If you are completely open and honest about these things with yourself and with your long-term intimate partner/spouse, and in a boundaried way with new sexual/intimate partners, then you probably have sexual integrity.”

I really like the inclusion of boundaries. Remember, I found this quote after reading an article about porn addiction. Dr. Ley writes about personal responsibility.

Dr David Ley wrote, “requires a man to stand up for himself and his sexual desires, to be willing to negotiate for those needs, to be willing to compromise, but stay true to himself, while asking for the same in return.”

Staying true to one’s self is something I think that is crucial to life satisfaction. I tend to use the phrase authentic truth. However, authenticity and honesty can often involve a lot of fear around rejection. My own work in Kansas City Missouri often involves exploring a unique experience I share with many of my clients. The local culture of our City and geographic area. Kansas City is a unique blend of large city and small town experience. Kansas City on the surface is a progressive city. The bible belt and religious undertow though is always but an unspoken word away. Our unique blend of Kansas City “niceness” often leaves that unspoken word as a space used for judgement.

It’s not uncommon to have a conversation that includes actively putting words to the experience when one’s authentic truth makes someone else uncomfortable. Exploring  the way people talk about this uncomfortable feeling and who’s responsibility it is to resolve it. We explore what it takes to maintain their truth while being vulnerable.

The opposing position is when someone is uncomfortable it’s their own responsibility to deal with that feeling. This is the stuff individuals have to work through with their partner/spouse. These are the topics and obstacles we have to explore in order to have sexual integrity. Does my porn watching affect my relationship? How does my partner feel about me watching porn? How do they feel about me masturbating? How will we as a couple compromise our sexualities including and respecting each other?

Many are being labeled sex addicts or porn addicts solely by their partners feeling uncomfortable with some aspect of their sexual expression. As opposed to discussing, respecting, accepting, and compromising and seeking support and help. Taking personal responsibility for one’s self is part of integrity. Taking responsibility for your sexual expression, self esteem and staying true to self are all parts of sexual integrity.



Sexual Health Matters

I recently finished a year long comprehensive program at the University of Michigan focusing on sexual health as it relates and presents in psychotherapy. I am so amazed at some of the work people are doing regarding pelvic pain, attachment, trauma, intimacy and desire, sexual performance and specifically how it relates to relationships and helping couples come together and understand how their intimacy and sexual health is impacted.

June is Men’s Health Month: The purpose is to heighten the awareness of preventable health problems and encourage early detection and treatment of disease among men and boys. This month gives healthcare providers, public policy makers, the media, and individuals an opportunity to encourage men and boys to seek regular medical advice and early treatment for disease and injury.

We are so used to not talking about anything related to sexual health we have done ourselves, and our children a disservice. One of the analogies I often use with clients is, “if your hand wasn’t working you’d go ask for help, right?” They always respond affirmatively. Why is it that we are so embarrassed to talk to doctors about our sexual health. Compounding the problem is doctors aren’t given adequate training on sexual health. Some of the work I do is basic education. Then together we explore and have conversations about how not being able to talk about sexual health has prevented couples from fully understanding the dynamics of the intimacy issues they often face through different stages of their lives.

Feel free to reach out to me to maybe set up time to discuss where you and your partner are. So during this month of men’s health I want to talk to the ladies. You know your man really doesn’t want to talk to anyone about feelings especially about sex. But what would your relationship look like if together we can get him to open up and be more comfortable sharing what he is thinking and what he is feeling.

Feel free to reach out to me at:


Sex Therapy: Is it for you?

I recently came across an article I thought was really well written.  Here are some of the highlights:

Many couples find it hard to fit sex into their busy schedules. And it is perfectly normal for people to go through periods when they are just not in the mood for love making. However, if you lack desire for sex for emotional or physical reasons, you may want to consider sex therapy.

“There are probably a lot of people out there who could use therapy but do not come because they’re embarrassed. They may go through years of needless pain or dissatisfaction,” says Alexandra Myles, MSW, a sex therapist in Massachusetts.

  • Learn more about sexuality—In spite of the greater openness about sexuality today, many people have little understanding of their own bodies and sexual functioning. Informational and self-help books and educational sex videos, which are widely available, can be very helpful. Becoming better informed will help you decide whether you really need therapy.

Many people come to sex therapy after individual psychotherapy fails to help them with their sexual problems.

“The obvious thing is that you are dealing with the human body so you cannot just talk about how you feel. You have got to work on the physical level as well,” says Myles. Sex therapy generally addresses the emotional issues underlying sexual problems and employs behavioral techniques to deal with the physical symptoms.

One popular technique used in treating many sexual problems is called sensate focus, in which couples caress or massage each other without sexual contact. The goal is to help both partners learn to give and receive pleasure and feel safe together. As the partners become more comfortable, they can progress to genital stimulation.

As a result of performing this exercise, many couples discover new ways to experience pleasure other than sexual intercourse. “Some of my patients find that they become better lovers,” says Dennis Sugrue, PhD, a sex therapist in Michigan.

Other exercises treat specific problems such as women’s inability to have orgasms and men’s erectile problems. Performing these exercises often evokes strong feelings that are then explored through psychotherapy. People who have experienced sexual trauma or are confused about their sexual identity may need to spend more time working through their feelings. For couples, who make up the majority of clients, the focus is on improving communication and developing greater intimacy.

In looking for a sex therapist, it is particularly important to find someone who you trust and respect. Do not be afraid to ask questions about the therapist’s background, philosophical orientation, and experience with your problem.

“A sex therapist can be very influential,” says Gina Ogden, a certified sex therapist in Massachusetts, “because there are fewer people who you can talk with about your sexual issues.” She warns against therapists who have rigid ideas of what human sexual response should be. Myles agrees, “Sex is such a subjective experience. You cannot impose your own beliefs on a patient.”

Most sex therapists today, according to Dennis Sugrue, “look at the whole person and try to help men and women redefine what it means to make love.” The effects of aging or physical problems “do not mean that a couple cannot experience the pleasure and joy of being physically intimate with each other.”

To read the entire article you can find it at:

Kansas City LGBT Guild Therapist doing great work

English: Gender symbols, sexual orientation: h...
English: Gender symbols, sexual orientation: heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality. Česky: (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

LGBT individuals are less likely to seek healthcare, feel alienated by the healthcare community, and in some cases are not given the same level of care as the rest of the community.

Sexual heath and how it is shaped and or ignored by the healthcare system has created a disparity in the quality and accessibility of healthcare available to minorities, and sexual minorities in particular, is a growing concern.  In March of 2011 The Institute of Medicine reported that Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender people have unique health needs, but that little is known about what those needs are.  The Lancet Medical Journal followed with an April 2011 article stating that a large number of healthcare practitioners are not well informed about how to care for LGBT health concerns, particularly the needs of transgender individuals.  Many of those that are still have psychological barriers to asking probing questions about sex due to a concern of not knowing what to do with that information once they have it.  An article in The Journal of Counseling Psychology pointed out that even well-meaning providers may exhibit certain levels of heterosexist micro-aggressions, or subtle attitudes that convey a negative connotation about an individual’s LGBT identity.

In response to this growing need, a number of therapists in the Kansas City community have started an organization dedicated to serving the health needs of LGBT individuals and their families.  The LGBT-Affirmative Therapists Guild of the Greater Kansas City area is a grassroots organization of licensed mental and medical health professionals, as well as students-in-training.  They share a collaborative commitment to make affirming culturally competent healthcare available for all sexual minorities based on the premise that LGBT and heterosexual identities are equally valid. Their website ( provides consumers and practitioners with referrals and resources for LGBT health and advocacy concerns.

Members of the Guild meet at various times throughout the year for consultation and education regarding the healthcare concerns of sexual and gender minorities.  They are available to speak to businesses or organizations about LGBT related concerns.  They are also happy to promote any public activities, groups, or events that enhance an understanding of LGBT people and their concerns.  Membership in the Guild is free of charge and open to those from various disciplines and of any sexual orientation.

Differences in Coaching

Relationship coaching


Consulting: Coaching is a form of consulting, but the coach stays with you to help you implement the new skills, changes and goals to make sure they really happen.

Therapy: Coaching is not therapy. There are some large areas of overlay and skills that both a therapist and a coach uses. Coaches don’t work on “issues” or get into the past or deal much with understanding individual human behavior and motivation. Rather, they help move you forward with focus on setting and achieving personal and professional goals that will provide the life you really want.

Some might hear the word “coach” and think football. But athletic coaches generally are in charge, setting the goals and the path to victory. With lifecoaches, it’s the client who sets the goals.

The International Coaching Federation said there are 16,000 coaches worldwide, hundreds of schools offering training, as well as an endless variety of subjects: health, relationship, spiritual, creativity, business, career, acting, sewing, gardening, dating, parenting, divorce.

Coaching isn’t therapy, It often is very practical, focusing on actions a person can take to reach goals. Unlike therapists, coaches don’t focus on the childhood experiences that might be the root of the way a person lives or feels.

There’s also a difference between getting help from a coach and getting help from family and friends. Loved ones might be influenced by the past and long-held expectations.

Coaching relies on a set of skills: active listening, asking powerful questions, communicating directly.

I follow the guidelines from the International Coach Federation (IFC). The IFC holds its members to a higher level of professionalism.

The value that my clients get is hard to put into words and that is why I try to let my clients speak for me. I think my clients do a better job of selling me than I do of selling myself.

You can see and hear some of my clients tell you what they get from me on my testimonial page.

Here is what I hope to achieve. Helping people realize their dreams. Each client has a different dream. What is your dream?

The fact that you are visiting my site means you probably are already considering hiring a coach. You’re probably wondering how it can make business sense. Your also probably wondering, ‘Is this Chuck Franks the right guy for me.’ Let me see if I can shed a little light on who I am and what I believe in so you can make that decision and choose to contact me about having a conversation. Here is an overview of some of my thoughts, beliefs and feelings around how I work and what my clients accomplish by working with me.

My personal philosophy of Coaching

I’ve been a coach my entire life. My training as a counselor gave me a strong education and background to work with. The basics of Reality theory are about clarifying the truth and then doing something about it, taking action.

I get excited about coaching when a client has an “AHA moment”.   A shift happens and they can instantly see the world from a new place in a new way.   It is simply amazing. It’s definitely what drives and excites me. I work with my clients and we move forward together through the process of reaching their goals creating the life they truly want.

Even though I get excited from “AHA moments”, I get even more excited when my clients tell me stories about how they see direct results from the work we do together.

It’s not enough just to be an optimist because it’s not enough just to focus on the part of the glass half-full you have to focus on the skill set that’s going to allow you to fill the glass completely full which is ultimately the expectation that we have in life these days.

We expect to be a live have a fulfilling career and a full social life we expect this level of happiness and satisfaction that we can have it all and we can is just a matter of appreciating what is that we already have and then focusing on how to attain what is that we don’t have yet not focusing out with one what we don’t have the focusing on the steps that will achieve obtaining that

How my experience fills a need for my potential clients is that because of my counseling psychology background I have a unique ability to bring therapy skills to the coaching process. I clearly state that I don’t do therapy however there is some crossover in technique and skills that bring a unique experience to my clients based on my past experience.