Coaching that Elevates You

Men can learn to gain back the advantage. They just need to focus on the right things.

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Men and women think differently. Most people would agree, we’ve known they were from different planets,(Mars and Venus), for years. Men don’t ruminate as much as women do, but they should. How that plays out in business can be seen in various ways. I believe this is true but I don’t think it’s a sex thing, it’s just easier to generalize. Women ruminate more than men meaning they do more forward thinking and reflection. Many of the key reasons I get brought into work with people is to help them strategize and help them think forwardly about an issue.    Men typically do not ruminate about problems. When you give a man a choice to make, he makes a decision and is done with it. That decision is sometimes good and sometimes bad but he doesn’t think about for a long time he, “shoots from the hip.” As opposed to women who will ruminate about an issue and will typically process a lot of factors that will influence the final outcome because they start at the end of the process, work their way backwards and then forward again to the proposed outcome.Women are used to juggling multiple faucets of their lives and are quite adept at doing so.

My own definition of a metro-sexual male is one who is learning these skills that were once perceived as female skills however have already become very valuable skills in the work force. It isn’t about personal grooming it’s about being able to view relationships and have a high EQ (emotional quotient). Men who are aware, that building and maintaining strong relationships is a key part of business, are far ahead of their counterparts who don’t focus on relationships. Relationships in the work force are the key to success. This is why when someone asks me what I do I explain, “I’m a business relationship coach.”

Women ruminate more and that can give them an advantage in business. Women are also used to ruminating about relationships. Men are used to saying, “Are we good?” If the answer is yes the matter is done. Women will take the time to listen to how the other person feels about the situation and process it thus actually getting to a place of being good. You need to figure out what your client needs. Do they need to be able to put this behind them and actually be done with it. Or do they need to process the issue to get to a point where the issue is truly at rest for them. That is one of the key points that allows for an advantage in business.

Coaching has done so well in the business and corportate world because it is at is core a process of forward thinking about a specific goal and how to define and reach it. It is the act of ruminating on a specific issue to deal with the situation.

Webster defines ruminating as

:to go over in the mind repeatedly and often casually or slowly

: to engage in contemplation

One of roles as a coach is to facilitate the rumination process. This is a skill just like any other that needs to be focused on and can improve over time. If you’d like help improving your skill set around focusing on and improving relationships then feel free to contact me.

I commit to start doing is practicing my orating skills and combine that into a process that proliferates my writing. I want to do that in such a way that I’m not tied to the computer because sitting there at the computer locks down my brain.  There are times when locking down your brain and focusing on something is good but there are times when that’s limiting.  This process starts today.

As far back as I can remember being truthful and honest and seeking to always be truthful and honest has been a family value driven mostly by my Mother and events in her life that created a desire…

I’m working on a story that is very personal to my family (especially my Mother) and I want to get permission and give respect to those involved before publishing. If you want to be notified of when it’s published feel free to leave a comment and I’ll follow-up with you.

Honesty is a choice that leads to integrity.

Related articles

• Honesty (socyberty.com)
• Radical Honesty (funfactsfiction.wordpress.com)

Local Kansas City Coaches News for Coaches and non-coaches alike. Find out what is happening in Kansas City in the Coaching Profession.

This month at your local Kansas City International Coach Federation Chapter Heartland Coaches Association is guest Speaker is Kelly Tyler.

Master the Art of NOT Multitasking!

While the rest of the world is trying to convince us to multitask,

Kelly advises audiences to worry less about fitting more in and more about living All-In.

Whew — What a relief!

In this program, Kelly will cover:

The latest research about how the brain works – take the pressure off yourself!

How to release the guilt of feeling like you’re not doing enough.

5 strategies to stop the madness of multitasking.

How to let others win the competition of the overbooked, overworked, and overwhelmed!

Kelly is an award-winning speaker, published author, consultant, coach, and trainer.
She knows the challenges professional coaches face and how
the temptation to over-do it actually damages coaching relationships.
She will customize the topic for us as coaches, so we can apply it immediately.

Time: 12:00-2:00 (lunch included)

Ottawa University-Greater Kansas City
4370 West 109th Street, Suite 200
Overland Park, Kansas, 66211

A friend recently asked what I’ve learned from being a coach. A simple question, but my answer deserved reflection, soul searching, and elaboration. My experiences and lessons from the last 10 years of coaching could not be reduced to a pithy Tweet or even a Facebook post. My feelings on the subject run big and they run deep. Living in Kansas City has helped shape my experience but the principles apply no matter where you live.

1) Clients know what’s right for them. Coaching is not about telling someone else how to live his or her life. Helping someone find his or her own answers is what coaching is truly about.

2) Facing fears is always easier in the light. When we share what we’re afraid of with others we cast it out of the shadows and into the light. Thus giving you the ability to see more options. Most people tend to hide and avoid what we fear actually giving it more power than it deserves. Talking about it, stating it out loud,  takes that power back from the specific event or challenge and regains that power in your core being where it belongs.  It gives you the ability to discuss the problem with people that maybe have gone through something similar or exactly the same thing which in return allows you to be better equipped to make decisions around whatever the fear is.

Part of my coaching is helping my clients see how to be honest with them selves so that the obstacles that they’re facing can become clearer. Once you can see an obstacle for what it is you can start to formulate strategic plans about how you’re going to tackle that obstacle.  Taking a very clear and honest assessment of exactly where you are allows you to set clearer goals about where you want to go. Thus allowing a direction or path to become clearer.

3) What you focus on expands.

If you focus on problem that problem is going to get bigger. By focusing on the solution then it will become bigger thus crowding out the problem.

This is not to say that you don’t recognize the problems or obstacles that lay between you and the solution. It is however to say that your focus and your attention once you identify the obstacles or problem needs to be on the end result, the solution, NOT the problem. This is where most people go wrong. It’s where most of the work of coaching happens. Focusing on what you’re trying to create helps to keep you from getting lost in obstacles. Little obstacles in the span of our lifetime are miniscule unless you give each one of them so much power they become overwhelming and thus able to stop you from moving toward your goal.

Helping clients to recognize that they have choices every day all day long allows them to see their actions as choices, not just reactions.

I choose to focus on the positive things that I see in life. With all things though that’s a skill it’s a skill that I consciously and constantly tried to hone and improve. It’s a skill I help my clients work on. I believe it brings joy even to negative situations to be able to appreciate beauty.

Which are you?

A well-known proverb states: an optimistic would say a glass is half full, while a pessimist would say it is half empty. What would people of different professions and walks of life say?

The government would say that the glass is fuller than if the opposition party were in power.

The opposition would say that it is irrelevant because the present administration has changed the way such volume statistics are collected.

The philosopher would say that, if the glass was in the forest and no one was there to see it, would it be half anything?

The economist would say that, in real terms, the glass is 25% fuller than at the same time last year.

The banker would say that the glass has just under 50% of its net worth in liquid assets.

The psychiatrist would ask, “What did your mother say about the glass?”

The seasoned drinker would say that the glass doesn”t have enough ice in it.

The Coach would say lets fill the glass up together.

There is the argument from the pessimists that if you only focus on the fact that the glass is half-full you’re not solving the problems. That is a very easy place to be. There is a greater sense of being in control when you focus on a specific problems and how to solve them. That doesn’t mean that that’s the quickest or the healthiest or the most productive way to be. It also just means you have a list of problems to solve and as soon as you finish the list there will be more to add.

Let’s look at the analogy of the glass half-full or half-empty. If you’re thirsty and you want a drink of water do you drink a half empty glass of the water or do you in fact drink the half-full? If you want to fill the glass up it’s more productive to focus on where the water came from how good it tastes, how it quenches your thirst rather than focusing on the fact that it’s only half full. Coaching allows me to help clients practice this in their lives in the way they look at business, relationships it’s about helping them stay focused on the glass half-full with the goal of filling the glass up. By focusing on that aspect you’re focusing on what works, what you like, what you want to attract. You’re focusing on your strengths rather than your weaknesses you’re focusing on moving forward rather than staying stuck. The majority of coaching and one’s focus should be where you want to go. Where do you want to move? What direction do you want to go?

From a business or behavioral standpoint there is a difference between the traditional change management theory and appreciative inquiry. The typical approach from change management theory is to look for the problem diagnosis and find a solution. So the focus stays on what’s broken or what’s wrong and when you look for what’s wrong that’s for your energies are with the problem. The underlying beliefs are that we can fix that problem, that we can change an organization when we can find a solution to a challenge. From appreciative inquiry standpoint, which is the basis of my coaching practice, is the belief that in every piece of art there is beauty so every individual client or organization/small business is a piece of art that there is beauty in. Choosing to focus on the beauty is what I’m talking about when I say the glass is half-full. From an appreciative inquiry standpoint, assumptions play huge roles in our behavior and choices. Consequently assumptions play a huge role in change. We assume a great many things in life and after a while they just sort of become factual. We look at assumptions as if they have become factual; we actually think that it’s true because that’s been our experience so it’s true for us. So assumptions are statements or rules that explain what a group or individual generally believe.

Assumptions explain the context of the group’s choices and behaviors.

Assumptions are usually not visible to or verbalized by the participants or members rather they develop and exist.

Assumptions must be made visible and discussed before anyone can be sure of what the group believes.

When working with an individual their life their family their relationships are the key that is the organization to them who they surround themselves who they have a relationship with is their organization it’s fluid it moves with them continually is reinforced or sometimes challenged. But having a discussion again bringing something into light makes it easier to face the fear or challenge an assumption, which in turn allows you to choose your own path in this life.

There are 8 assumptions of appreciative inquiry. (Taken from the “Thin book of Appreciative Inquiry”)

1. In every society organization or group, something works.
2. What we focus on becomes our reality.
3. Reality is created in the moment and there are multiple realities.
4. The act of asking questions of an organization or group influences the group in some way.
5. People have more confidence and comfort to journey to the future the unknown when they carry forward parts of the past the known.
6. If we carry parts of the past forward, they should be what is best about the past.
7. It is important to value differences.
8. The language we use creates our reality.

Sign up if you’re interested in hearing more. I am planning a series on utilizing coaching in your own life.

If you have a question you’d like addressed please feel free to submit it.

Sometimes it’s hard to explain exactly what I do because what I do can encompass so many things with different clients. One of my main goals is to help business owners stand out in a crowd. I like to think in terms of my client being the leader of their profession or industry. Getting people talking about what my client is doing and how uniquely different it is.

We developed a website at www.DanielandSantiago.com  This website allows for other things that we have created and projects that we developed to be highlighted. Thus giving them a stronger presence on the Internet.

This first video is the capturing of the footage me explaining what we were going for. Also a little shameless plug about my own ability to help clients not only have a website but to take ownership of it and use it to outrank and outperform their competition.

The second video is the polished version that came out beautifully.

If you would be interested in how we can create a unique commercial or website design or content. Feel free to call this week so we can discuss what your goals are and how I can help you make them come true.